If you have ever met me, then you know how loud I am, and how talkative, and how exuberant. I have been this way my entire life; also for my entire life, I have had people telling me to be quiet, to calm down, to fuck off. I’m finally saying fuck that. Recently, I’ve been reflecting on how many people just don’t want to hear strong, passionate people speak. I’ve internalized that mentality, and every time someone told me, “oh, they don’t want to hear that,” or “can you chill out, please?” or I was mocked for being passionate and intense, I catalogued that in my brain as “it’s bad to be yourself.”
The final straw is having old white men tell me every day how much I talk, how surprising it is that I’m smart, that they’re impressed because I’m just so young, how could I know enough to hold a conversation? I’m sick of it. A man who went on my tour the other day told me that my boyfriend must be glad we’re not married, because he’d never get a word in. Again, this man paid money to listen to me talk, at my job where my main responsibility is to talk, and felt the need to tell me afterwards that I talk so much that my significant other must hate me. What in the fuck, right? Another file for the “it’s bad to be yourself” folder in my brain.
The thing is, it’s not bad to be yourself. It’s not bad to be passionate and intense. It’s not bad to be strong and loud. It’s not bad to be talkative and exuberant. If you don’t like listening to me talk, then don’t. The people worth talking to are the ones who will be listening. (Plus, if you have met me, you know I love a good movie reference as much as the next freak, so this was pretty much the perfect tattoo idea for me right now.)
So, here’s the thing about me, guys. I am intense and I am passionate and I am emotional and I am talkative. Sometimes, I hyperfixate. Sometimes, I talk a lot. Sometimes, I get emotionally worked up. That’s okay; these traits make me, me. I’m happy to be me. And here’s a reminder to everyone who has ever shot someone down for being chatty, or excited, or emotional: let people live. Do unto others and all that. Look inward and figure out why the fuck you need to shoot others down to make yourself feel good.
You only get one very, very short life; are you really going to spend it telling lovers that they’re losers?